Dear Diary,

So much to tell you, let me get right to the heat of the paint (as Jerry would say):  Tonight I got my 3 year token.  I was so nervous getting up there in front of the group to accept it, I almost went to the bathroom in my pants.  Maybe it’s the crazy strong coffee they serve at that meeting ( I have a feeling I’ll be up late tonight!)  Anyway, I wanted to share how being sober, while not always easy, is the only way to live life to the fullest.  I wanted to share that I have never been so broke, so unsure about the future, so single than I am right now, but I feel richer and more fulfilled than I ever have in my entire life.  How can this be?  It’s gotta be sobriety and all the things that come along with it.    I had to tell them about how Charlie made me a birthday cake again this year.  This is the third year in a row he’s done this.  The first one collapsed into a pile of crumbs because he put a cup of oil in it and a third of a cup of water.  I ate it,  though.  This is what my cake looked like this year:

My former sponsor, Krista, gave me my token.    I love her so much.  She makes me laugh.   I’ve got to be the world’s worst sponsee because I procrastinate so much.  I’m so glad we can just be friends now.  She helped me through so much.  I don’t know if she realizes how important she was and still is in my life.  She’s the one who invited me to the Monday night meeting two and a half years ago. She’s helped me through divorce and custody issues, which almost ripped me apart.   She also helped me move out of the house I once shared with my family.  That was so friggin’ hard on many levels.  She was there cheering me up and helping me get it done.    Tonight, she told me that she wanted to pass on her three token, but then realized after she got to the meeting that it was her 4 year token and that it had her name engraved on it!!!    She gave me a stone from her fountain and drew on it.    The writing rubbed off after it was passed around the room, so she whipped out her Sharpie and did it again.    She just brings so much joy into my life.    Here’s the token from the group and her homemade rock and a picture of us from the Rock N Roll Marathon:

My best friend from high school, Aaron, sent me this insanely beautiful flower arrangement to mark the occasion.  Here’s Aaron and I two years ago when he was in town:

I was a little aggro on Saturday night because I didn’t get to go to the Oscars after all.   Charlie asked me what was wrong.  I told him that I was sad that I wasn’t going to the Academy Awards with Tommy.  He said “Momma, would you rather go to the show or spend the weekend with your kids?”  I said “Spend the weekend with my kids.”  He said “Exactly.”   Totally put it into perspective for me. On Sunday, I was waving the green flag big time whenever I’d see a text from Tommy.  I told him I was too jealous to look at the pictures of him with Ryan Seacrest and the one of him getting ready in his hotel room and the one of him holding an Oscar.   But, you know what?  He deserved to go!  He deserves anything in life he desires.  He’s a better person than I will ever be.  He really truly is.   If I could be one tenth the kind of selfless person that he is, I’d be happy.  I also want to thank my Facebook friends who offered to lend me a dress.  I really appreciate your thoughtfulness.

Opening Day for baseball and t-ball was on Saturday morning.    I’ve never seen anything cuter than Evan’s team.  I kept taking pictures of her in her uniform from behind because it was the sweetest thing ever.  She was so into it.  She’s in her element in front of a crowd.  Oh boy.  She was even trash talking the other t-ball teams “You’re going down!”

Two more things:  I want to thank the person who sent this card to Dave’s Flower Box on Valentine’s weekend.  You have no idea how much you touch me and my kids with your thoughtfulness.  Thank you for being an example of the good in people.  Truly.

And second, I have t to tell you that I kissed a boy within the last two weeks.  It was a rainy  Saturday night.  We were in the car.  It was just a kiss, but it brought back so many memories.   He’s one of the first boys I ever kissed!  He’s still really good at it.  He’s an old friend from high school (NOT Aaron).  I haven’t seen him since our reunion.  He’s someone who should’ve been my boyfriend in high school, but wasn’t.  I asked him why he thought that was.  He said it was because he was stupid, was with another girl, but he wishes he could do it over again.  That’s the second guy from high school who’s told me that in the last few months.  I must have forgotten that they broke my teenage heart.    That gives me hope that I’ll forget the current guys who break my MUCH older heart.

See you later, Diary.