Dear Diary,
I’m gonna vent real quick just to get it off my chest, then I’ll be able to write. It’s hard for me to be open and honest when I have something hanging over my head. It feels fake. I don’t want pity, I don’t want anything other than a pep talk about keeping the faith, okay?
I am freaking out right now. I have never ever in my life been this broke. I haven’t paid my rent this month because I don’t have it all. I’m afraid if I write that check I won’t have any money left for food or anything else. I mail the check to my landlord. I was thinking about lying and saying it got lost in the mail, but I’m not going to do that. I’ll have to be honest and pay it when I get my next unemployment check. I’ll have to tack on an extra 50 bucks, but it’ll be worth it for the extra time they “gave” me to pay it.
I have two important sounding letters waiting for me at the post office. I’m scared to pick those up because they probably have something to do with me owing money to someone or something. Thank goodness I don’t have any credit card debt. Whew. I have plenty of other things I have to pay off, but credit is not one of them. That’s a blessing.
I can’t answer another “what’s going on with your job?” question. I’m flattered and glad that people still care, but I don’t have a definite answer yet and it’s hard to know what to say. Tommy wrote us an really awesome email basically telling us that the last lap in any race is the most difficult and we just need to breathe. It’s true. This hurts right now, so something incredible is about to happen. I just wish it would happen today.
Side note: As I’m typing this, Evan comes galloping in with a unicorn hat on her head, fairy wings and a doll on her shoulders. She’s dancing to Frosty The Snowman (my mom gave her one of those funky Christmas dolls that sings when you walk past it.) The kids think it’s so hilarious that the song “Frosty the Snowman” makes me cry. It’s the saddest song because he melts away and DIES and he tells the kids not to cry. Charlie has commandeered my bed because I have channel 349 on my TV and he doesn’t. That’s the super exclusive Nickelodeon Channel apparently. He actually asked me for a cable upgrade in his room. I must have given him the “Are you flippin’ serious, kid?” look because he shrugged his shoulders and hasn’t asked me again.
Tomorrow, two of Charlie’s friends are coming over. Since we have next to no backyard, I let the kids take over the dance room (dining room minus the table.) My house is not going to be pretty by this time tomorrow, but I love his friends. They’re all such good boys.
Next week will be a great week. Imagine it and it will be. Ask and the law of attraction will bring it. Isn’t that what The Secret is all about. Something like that. Anyway, thanks for letting me vent.
Oh, one really cool thing happened. Fox 5 has asked us back to do some Idol commentary for the next few weeks. You can watch my roots grow out as the weeks progress. Fun!
Here’s my little unicorn:
See you later, Diary.
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Laura,
Do yourself a favor and call your Landlord. be upfront about it and let him know what’s going on and when to expect the full rent. Maybe you can even split the payment up; some now and some then.
Important part is communication. Otherwise it looks like you’re trying to dodge him.
OMG! I cry over Frosty too! I thought I was the only one. One song that makes me cry even more is Puff the Magic Dragon. “Now dragons live forever, but no so little boys.” Why the hell is that a child’s song?!
Hang in there but I would start looking for another gig in the meantime. Until Clear Channel sells the San Diego stations your show and the DSC are probably not going to be back on the air anytime soon. It’s unfortunate but it’s reality. Hang in there Laura!
Laura I feel your pain. If I find one more notice on my door from someone that wants money I am going to scream! It is hard for us mom’s because we feel it is our duty to provide everything for our children be it food, entertainment, shelter..you name it. I have three children and their father won’t even pay their medical bills and he is a doctor! I know what it is like to feel alone in this situation. I have to keep telling myself that God has a plan for me and that something good is coming just around the corner…of course I wish God would step it up a bit cause this sucks being broke…it is the true love I have for my children and their love for me that keeps me going…so keep your chin up and your shoulders back and face what ever comes your way with eyes wide open…when the kids are older you guys will be able to laugh about all this…at least that is what I am hoping with mine…good luck and my the force be with you!
Screw Scott’s reply. Hang in there Laura. I do the rob peter to pay paul every month. It is not fun, that’s for sure…but somehow…it works out in the end. I think San Diego would start riots downtown if we were told the showgram will never be again. Everyone loves you guys and there WILL be a way to get you back. Be tough…don’t be afraid to ask for help, and people will get their money when they get it!
Laura, I can’t imagine being in your position, and I’m so sorry you’re going through this! Of course everyone says tough things make you stronger, but it’s not easy to see the positive when you’re in the middle of it. I pray something will happen on the job front and you’ll be able to not only pay your bills, but get yourself out of debt. Keep your chin up!
By the way, I admire your honesty; I’m sure this isn’t easy!
Laura, You know we still love you and the guys. I pray that you will be back on the air soon. I have never in my life written any kind of fan mail before, but my life and thousands of others, aren’t the same without our morning laughs that you all provided for us. Also, I am so sorry to hear about your money worries. You are such a talented and gifted person. Remember, it’s always darkest before the dawn. Much love to you!
Laura: my husband has been unemployed now for 15 months. i totally get that panic feeling that sets in when things are due (or overdue). Tommy is so right – just breathe, keep on breathing, maybe say a little prayer on the exhale then go on living life. things WILL get better. i’m with Debbie in that i just don’t write fan letters but i felt compelled to write this because your comments struck such a cord with me – knowing that others get what we are going through and maybe praying a little for us helps to keep me going. so i will add you to my list and hope you will add me to yours. Never give up, never surrender!!!!
Why is it that you delete the comments that don’t glorify the screw-ups of the Showgram?
One day at a time young lady. God knows what you need.
Besides, I am a little panicky too right now, because I was wearing that same unicorn costume just yesterday.
Hang in there Laura!!!
My hubby is an out of work radio producer right now too so I feel your pain.
Hopefully radio will make a comeback after corporate America stepped in to screw it all up…
*HUGS*
Lisa
Could you possibly do something on the side to supplement your unemployment? Maybe childcare, pet sit?, etc. Possibly downsize to an apartment where your utilities would be cheaper. Your kids seem to be in your room most of the time and you don’t need/use the dining room (I know except for dancing – but you can do that in any room). They are also not there 100% of the time. I know it isn’t easy but sometimes you have to take a step back to move forward (until your situation gets better). Change happens whether we like it or not. Your kids are still young enough that they can handle a different living situation. I had 3 step-kids stay with us every other weekend in a one bedroom/one bath and they camped out in the livingroom and never complained once about it. It sure made us spend time together. I’m not saying you need to go that small but maybe a 2 bedroom apt. wouldn’t be a bad idea for now. Everybody keeps telling you to hang in there but that only goes so far – you have to do what’s best for yourself and your family. You’re well known in town and have connections that other people don’t have. Use it.
Every night I go to bed knowing I won’t sleep. Because I know I will think about is what going “strike” in the morning. It SUCKS…but I have two kids too that depend on me to be there to make sure THEY KNOW things will ok in the end. That is your JOB right now. No matter what it takes. And as bad it seems – God will NOT give what you can’t handle. Swallow what is left of your pride ( I know I have none left) and do what it takes to get you through. Hey – we recycled cans to buy class valentines for my little one. Stop thinking – just get through the moment….
I agree with Taylor wholeheartedly. All of the needless amenities like cable/internet, netflix, eating out, an extra large rent payment, etc. need to go. Not saying you have or do all of these things. I know you wanted a pep talk on keeping faith but true friends will tell you the truth. I understand if you are locked into a long term rental agreement but if you can get out of it and downsize, you would be able to breathe better. It’s hard to rob Peter to pay Paul in that situation because they always hold the “eviction” card over your head if you don’t pay.
I already have a list of extra’s that I pay for now that I know I would have to cancel if I were to ever lose my job. Think about what you need: a roof over your head, food on the table and gas for the car, everything else is a “want”, not a necessity.
On the keeping the faith front, you believe and have faith that you will have the next minute, or the next hour, or the next day, so put that same faith into the “issues” that are surrounding you. You have to be still and wait on the Lord though, things don’t come in your timing, they come in His timing. And remember that we always thank God in good times when we are being blessed, we also have to thank God and praise Him in the bad times as well. Actually the saying is “Ask and you shall receive”, and that is from the bible, the ultimate authority, it trumps “The Secret” and all the other New Age philosophy.