Dear Diary,
What I should be writing at the top of this diary entry is how proud I am of my 10-year-old baby boy and what we did for his double digit birthday yesterday. I will. First, I must get this up out of my gut and purge it so it can be carried away never to be heard or thought of again.
I’ve been dumped. Actually, that’s incorrect. I don’t think it’s possible for someone who was never even mine to begin with to dump me. Let me rephrase: I’ve been told the truth, finally, after three years of wondering. ”He,” as many of you predicted, is not into me “that way.” Ouch. It hurts the ol’ ego a hell of a lot, but at least now I know.
Here’s what happened: We went out on Friday night. We had a dinner, went to a funny show and then came back to my house to watch “The Hangover.” I’ve been wanting to have “the talk” with him forever, but I always chicken out. Finally, I just blurted out, “Why don’t you ever want to hold my hand or kiss me or anything.” Talk about feeling pathetic. I almost puked right then and there. He gave me a weak-toast answer “I have guilt issues.” Wth? I decided not to press it any further. As it was, I felt needy and it didn’t feel good at all.
After he left, I wrote him an honest email. I told him how I felt about him; how much he lights up my world, how my week flies by when I know I’m going to see him at the end of it, how time goes by in a second when we’re together. I told him that I can’t just be buddies with him. I like him too much.
He wrote me back today. He basically said that he doesn’t see me as a love interest. Ouch. That’s one knife blade in the gut. He says he doesn’t see a future with me. That’s another knife blade, a bigger one, in the chest. He doesn’t want to get in the way of me meeting a great guy. That was a sword this time slicing me wide open from neck to pelvis. Got it. He also told me that he loves being friends and that I make him feel special. Great. Glad that I could do that for you.
At least I know now. The thing that makes this such an ego-bruiser is that I gave him my A-Game. It doesn’t get any better than what I put out there for him. It’s as good as I get and he didn’t want it. Bam. Done. Shut the door. Lock it.
Perfect day to be “dumped” though. It’s raining, I’m still in my PJ’s, I’ve had nothing to eat but cake and tortilla chips, I have a zit on my chin and my house is a mess. Lovely.
Charlie Cain is officially double digits. We had a very low key birthday party for him at the my house. Just my mom, Jenny, Joe and the kids. Last night, Charlie got to spend the night with me all by himself…momma time. We watched a scary movie. I’m not going to tell you which one because CPS may come to my door if I do. Suffice it so say it was really gory. It’s was so over the top gory we laughed through most of it. Oh, I also took him to Target so he could spend his money on a video game and a camera case.
It’s a trip how close we are. We communicate without talking, we know when something is wrong with each other even when we’re not together. He’s sweet, loving, compassionate, intelligent, shockingly witting and funny. To say I love that kid with my entire being is an understatement.
Here are some of the pix he took with his new digital camera. He told me in the sweetest way possible that if I ever get him another camera, could I please buy him one that’s not light blue. I didn’t realize I had done that. Oops. See you later, Diary.
Some big clock at Target
He zoomed on on this picture of a rock formation because it looked like a giant pile of poo. Nice.
Me looking longingly at something I can’t buy.
I don’t know
And, a fat baker statue?!?!
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Sorry to hear that he isn’t in to you. I can relate lately. It seems to be happening to me with the women I meet!
I too am sorry to hear that “he” is just not that into you. But ya know what Laura, you deserve the best and “he” must not be the best or things would have worked out. I wish ya’ll were back on the air. I miss you all so much! Chin up kid….time will hold the answer.
PS…this rain sucks.
Oh Laura!!!
I am so so sorry. Those kind of guys are just plain GROSS. Like gag me gross. With a spoon, even.
Seriously, I’ve had my fair share…oh yes, there’s more where he comes from. They should have their own planet.
Go eat your chocolate cake, watch trashy reality tv, and stay in your jammies….
But tomorrow, no more.
Because you should know that he is a waste of your makeup and tears!!!!
Laura, I feel for you. Hang in there, it will get better. You deserve someone that wants you as much as you want him. He’s out there, probably looking for you too.
Keep your chin up (zit and all) and remember that thousands of us out there are wishing you the very best.
Hugs,
Sue
Three years is a long time to be “hoping”. That sounds like denile. It’s really hard to be friends with a guy because either you or him is going to want more. Two people know when they want to be together and it doesn’t end with a friendly hug at the end of the date no matter if you’re taking it slow or not. “Him” strung you along to make himself feel good in the mean time wasting your time. You have to kiss a lot of frogs to find that “just right frog” and if they aren’t even kissing you to begin with you got to get to steppin’! You have all the tools to get what you want but when you’re not getting it from somebody you must let them go. Don’t waste your forties.
Everyone else posted an i’m sorry about the guy thing we all know you are so much stronger then that and you should take this as he did you a huge favor because now you are “available” to meet the man of you dreams. So thank “him” when you do.
I was really writing about the photos Charlie took. WOW!!! That little boy has an eye. It may not be nothing to you or me but he has an imagination and a creativeness that is actually really good for a ten year old boy. Keep up the good work Charlie, let your imagination run wild through the lens of a camera.
Laura, I have listened to you for many years, talked w/u when you were on the air many times, felt with you, cried with you, and we don’t even know each other, but like so many others, because of your openness, I feel I do. In that vein, my heart breaks for you ….
I disagree with Taylor though, it’s not a waste to be with supportive caring people in your life. Just because it doesn’t turn into something “x” doesn’t change that. In fact, “He” was and probably is someone you needed at a time when you needed exactly what he gave you.
What if “he” hadn’t been there these last 3 years, could you, would you have hooked up with someone at a time you weren’t as strong? Maybe (I would have probably).
He was not wasting your time nor you his. You two must have enjoyed each other’s company (that’s how we fall deeper too isn’t it? ). You gave each other what you both needed and now you are ready to move onto something deeper and if “he” isn’t, then that’s what you need to know too.
I take it as a sign you are ready for true love, ready for and strong enough for, that risk… the risk of falling in love all the way, which can only happen if he falls too right?
Its never a waste to be with people you love and care about, with people who are kind and supportive, those are rare wonderful gifts from the world. Love, whether you give it or receive it, is a gift.
You’re just sending out a message to the world, ‘ok boys… I’m ready for love,…’ and I suspect your love is on its way… you’ve opened your heart now and He probably helped you with that so. It’s another sign of your strength and growth you are moving along… at just the right speed for you.
I’m sorry Karen K. doesn’t agree with me but when a person is in their 40’s with two young children and is hoping it works out with a guy who has no intention or interest what-so-ever I can’t see the point. He waits 3 years to spill his guts. When you know it you know it and time is precious. It doesn’t work out when one person wants more than the other. It’s pretty hard to be “just friends”. Unless two people feel the same way it will never work.
Laura – if your A-game wasn’t enough for him….it’s not about you. And I believe you deserve someone who thinks your A-game is amazing. Keep your chin up.
So you’re telling me there’s a chance!
**SWEET!**
Hang in there Laura K. This one might hurt especially hard without your “former best friend” around to numb the pain. Remember it’s better to GROW through experiences merely than to just go through them. You’ll come out of this much stronger. Keep the chin up. Your heart will heal.
Oh dear sweet Laura – I try to have faith that everything happens for a reason and that one who is greater than I has a better plan for me. When I trust in that it eases those painful parts of “life on life’s terms”. So many of us love you and are in your corner. Hang in there and keep working for the “Promises” to happen. There is one who will love you to pieces.
Ok Laura, you are going to find Mr. Right he was just someone to hang with and not good enough for our Laura……
Love ya and can’t wait to have you back on air…….