Dear Diary,

I think Jerry is smoking crack or sniffing glue or something because the movie he recommended in his blog was TERRIBLE!    We usually agree on movies, too.   “A Serious Man” was a serious bummer and a bore.  Maybe I’m losing my artsy-fartsyness or something, but I was mad that I spent two hours of my life sitting in the theater watching a miserable man and his miserable family lead a miserable life.    Jerry isn’t the only one smokin’ something, though.  Some very reputable critics gave it great reviews.  I dunno.  I saw it with a smart guy and he didn’t like it either.    I’m talking about Mr. Mensa.  We saw a movie together on Saturday night, but that’s not the most exciting part.  Before that, he invited me to go with him to his twin nieces 3rd birthday party and his sister’s house.  Oh yah,  hung out with his sis and brother-in-law, his mom, dad,  nephew, aunt, cousin and other people he knows.  This is a good thing, right?  If I were an embarrassment, he would keep me away from his family, right?    I’m done reading into it, I’m just happy I got to spend some time with some really good people.  

What?!?!?!  Who am I kidding?  What does this mean?  Are they talking about me?   How many girls has he brought home before?  Am I too old to have his baby?  Seriously, I’m kidding.  But, if you’re a woman and you’re reading this, you know what I’m talking about with regards to our run away minds!!!   We plan out our future in our heads constantly.  It kind of sucks.  I wish I had a guy’s mind sometimes.  It seems a whole lot less complicated.  

On the subject of crazy minds, I think I’m making myself sick.  I have no health insurance right now, so of course I believe that I am in danger of dying from a heart condition.  I’ve convinced myself that I have chest pains and numb lips.  I’m pretty sure I may have a parasite and my small intestine is blocked.  It’s so sad because I can’t go to the doctor and get it all checked out.  In reality, I probably have indigestion and low grade anxiety.    Maybe it’s just straight up gas.  It’s probably just gas.  I guess I’m fine.

Charlie said something funny the other night when we were having our bedtime chat.  We were talking about smoking.  I asked him if he remembered me smoking.  He said that he remembers seeing me outside at the old house at night smoking in front of the fire pit.  Dang.  I was hoping that he didn’t remember that.    He is the main reason why I quit almost 3 years ago. I pinky promised him that I would never smoke again.  I told him that he would know if I had a ciggie because he’d be able to smell it on my clothes and my hair  even if I had the ciggie hours and hours ago.     He said, “Momma, if I found out you were smoking again, I’d have to say the F-word really loud.”

I told him that I wouldn’t blame him.  

We’re going to mom’s tomorrow for Thanksgiving.   At my meeting tonight, we talked about how hard it is for a lot of people to get through the holidays because of messed up family dynamics.  I realized how lucky I am to love the people in my family.  I love them all.  I’m so grateful to spend as much time as possible with them.  

I gotta be honest, though, I’m not grateful for that gross yam casserole with the marshmallows on top or any kind of jello concoction.    I’m just sayin’.

See you later, Diary.